This is my first blog since just after New Years'. They were getting to be few and far between so I finally gave up. Until now I just haven't felt up to it. But with the encouragement of a number of friends, family and other readers I am going to give it another try as I think it might be a little therapeutic.
It will no longer contain adventures and travels large and small that Dan and I enjoyed in our retirement, which is what this blog was originally started for. But will instead be about the day to day survival of Sea-Enna and I as we make
our way through this new life we find ourselves in.
.
It will no longer contain adventures and travels large and small that Dan and I enjoyed in our retirement, which is what this blog was originally started for. But will instead be about the day to day survival of Sea-Enna and I as we make
our way through this new life we find ourselves in.
.
Dan passed on June 24th, 2019. I am finally starting to come out of what I have come to call my grief fog. At first, I guess my mind just did not want to accept it. So anything that brought up the reality of his death, I'd refuse to think about it and busy myself with something, anything, even as mundane as Solitaire and Facebook on my iPhone, so I couldn't think about it,
as my mind was too busy. My kids even asked, "how come you're getting so
addicted to Solitaire?"
But, in the last 8 months, I have slowly let myself accept it a little. It has been a hard learning curve with many, many awakenings and lessons of, how much I relied on him and for so many things. So many things that after 61 years I just took for granted. Like most of us did back in the day, I went from my parent's home into my shared life with Dan. Each of these awakenings, these lessons make me all too aware of how much I was loved and looked after. And each of these lessons makes me also very aware that I am now alone in this life as I have never been before.
I still have times when I can completely forget that he's gone, like at night when I sleep and dream. In my dreams, he is still with me and of course, I then have to deal with his death all over again each morning as I awaken.
But, in the last 8 months, I have slowly let myself accept it a little. It has been a hard learning curve with many, many awakenings and lessons of, how much I relied on him and for so many things. So many things that after 61 years I just took for granted. Like most of us did back in the day, I went from my parent's home into my shared life with Dan. Each of these awakenings, these lessons make me all too aware of how much I was loved and looked after. And each of these lessons makes me also very aware that I am now alone in this life as I have never been before.
I still have times when I can completely forget that he's gone, like at night when I sleep and dream. In my dreams, he is still with me and of course, I then have to deal with his death all over again each morning as I awaken.
I'm sure even that will get a little easier over time.
